They Will Never Understand How Much I Love Them

“Ain’t it strange,
How everybody says ‘I love you’.
Ain’t it a shame,
How a word can tell you more than words can say.”

Dr. Dog

Sometimes language fails to convey the most important messages. God has now given me five children, and with each new birth a strange thing happens. My love does not get divided into smaller parts and divvied up among them, but rather it gets multiplied over again, so that not only is there enough love to go around, but there is more love than I know how to express. And if I can’t find a way to adequately express it, how will they ever understand how much I love them?

I tell them, often, how much I love them. I do things for them. I take them to fun places; I give them good gifts; I sit and listen to them tell jokes. I try to make it abundantly clear to them how much I really care. And yet, I feel so deficient in how I express my love. Sometimes I disappoint them as I do my duty to them as their father. Sometimes I disappoint them because I’m doing a bad job as their father. I often sit and pray, asking God to help me and to help them understand my love for them.

But having a full understanding isn’t really the point. There is a mystery in a father’s love for his children. It is obvious in the obvious ways, but there is something in the hidden love that comforts and strengthens. There is the necessary statement, “I love you,” that confirms the reality, but there is also an intuitive confidence that Dad would go to hell and back for me. There is the mysterious knowledge that Dad is strong, and all of his strength is directed for my good. Surely they understand that Dad gives good gifts, but they also know that Dad is for them. How could they possibly understand this?

They will never understand how much I love them, but I’ll do my best to show them. And I hope that in my weak display of imperfect love they learn something of the love of a perfect Father. They need to hear the words of God and be strengthened. They need to know His perfect display of love as they see Christ taking their hell for them on the cross. They need to understand the obvious things, and they need to marvel at the mysterious incomprehensible love of God through Jesus. In Christ, His strength is directed toward them for their good, and He is for them. How could they possibly understand love like this?

How can I possibly understand the Father’s love for me?

I don’t know, but I’ll try.

Jacob Crouch 2023